"I Don't Know How to Pray"

When I first heard X Ambassadors' single "BOOM," I was immediately hooked. It was my "new favorite song" and I had to have the album (for my birthday!).  The bass line and that pre-chorus riff just ROCK. But the single's release was still at least a month ahead of the planned album release, so I had to wait to have it in my hands. During that wait I heard "Hey Child," and I thought, 'wow, this album is gonna be SO good.'

So June comes around, and my sister sends me Orion. I stuck the disc in my car's CD player as soon as I exited the post office, and I've probably run through the whole album at least three times by now, a couple weeks later.

Honestly, it's taken that many listens for the album to grow on me. I don't love the featured artist on "Confidence," and I'm still on the fence about "Rule," "History," "Wasteland" and "Shadows." On their own, I don't think they're anything special. But I think, together, they probably bring the album together.

Then there's "I Don't Know How to Pray."

Whoa. Talk about an unassuming little "filler" track that packs a punch.

This is a song that I think, at first listen, is likely to make Christians shake their heads in disappointment and atheists pump their fists in triumph — but they're both wrong.

First, listen. Then, read the lyrics below.




Pause:: If you tried to play back that last part at the end with the volume up, I feel you. But we'll tackle that in a minute, so let's focus on the song lyrics:

I don't know how to pray
But here I am in this bathroom, hopin' you'll come back soon
Knees on the floor, prayin' to a Lord I don't know
I don't know how to pray
'Cause if I did, I'd be worthless, all I know is curses
You let me down, still I'm feelin' guilty somehow
So here I go: "Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, what do I do?
Oh, God, oh, God, I ask a favor from you
And I know, I know we've never spoken before
But I hope you hear me, oh, Lord
Please let my brother live
And let me learn to forgive
And why do bad things happen to good people
That's all, I guess, amen"
And God said—

Artistically, that ending is really clever, I thought. And Sam Harris has an amazing voice with a whole lot of hurt and soul behind it (OK and I guess "heart" too). But then I listened to it again. This song is SO powerful because it hits on so many doubts I think just about every human has had — is there a God? Should I pray and see? How do I do that? Will He be mad that I swear a lot and I haven't tried talking to him before? Does it work better if I promise to try to be a better person? Why do bad things happen to good people?

Dude! We've all been there!

And then, that silence. Oof. Yeah. A lot of times — maybe all the time, for some of us — we feel like our prayers fall on deaf ears, or in some cases, that there are no ears to hear us. That hurts.

BUT. There's another — additional — interpretation to this. Maybe listen to the song again, and pause on that silence. What do you hear?

I don't know what Sam's intention was, but he left a space for you to hear God's voice — every time you listen to this song! And we will all hear something different in that "silence," because we are individuals, and God wants to have personal relationships with us.

OK, take a breath, and a step back. Some of you reading this may be thinking, "Yeahhhhh, no." I get the skepticism, I really do. But don't write these ideas off just yet.

Let's take a look at the transcript of the spoken recording at the end of the track:

You are definitely not the same person you were when you were a kid, but then you come back full circle when you sort of started to...become comfortable with who you are and

Right 

Less trying to be, something or someone [you're not] 

Do you guess that was kinda like your, at the basis of like a part of your struggle as a kid, like trying—feeling like you didn't know yourself? 

I feel like I was running from everything... 

Right  

I feel like that there in my twenties, one of the biggest struggles for me was you know, finding love...

There are two people talking: One seems older, in the role of a mentor or maybe even a therapist, but actually, it's Sam and his brother Casey (whom I interviewed once!). They discuss two big challenges in life: Knowing who you are and finding someone who loves that person.

Jesus is the answer!!

I know, I know, some of you are not here for "religious" content, and maybe this comes off as "preachy" and makes you dislike this song. I don't care, because I am so excited by this song and what it has revealed to me. When we accept Christ and his sacrifice, we become children of God, and we are loved by our father. This is something that I have been trying to internalize over the last few weeks, in part due to discussions I've had with a new friend.

I don't know where Sam and his brother and his bandmates are at on the "faith" front — who they consider themselves to "be" and what loves they have in their lives — but this song gives me hope. For everyone, honestly.

Now, I don't think my words here offer an immediate or perfect "solution" to the problems laid out in this song, but that's part of what makes it GREAT. We all need these struggles, at some point in our lives, to build our faith, and reveal who we really are. And we need to come to terms with the fact that we're not always going to understand. There is freedom in that, and I hope everyone reading this can experience that someday.

You see, we can fumble over our words and swear and neglect our relationship with God and be angry at him, but He forgives us when we acknowledge him, because by grace we have been saved.

Whatever you take away from this is, obviously, up to you. In any case, go listen to the album, which I've linked at the top of this post. Appreciate the artistry, and groove to some awesome music.

Peace.